Forgetting is an interesting part of life. Sometimes we forget keys, wallets, or chap stick, other times we forget dentist appointments, grocery shopping, or doing laundry, and then there are the times we forget birthdays, names, and friends. This last category is what I would like to focus on tonight.
Why do we forget?
I think there is something fundamental in forgetting. I think some things we choose to forget, or choose not to remember. Names are a big area I have been working on lately. It isn't for any social responsibility issue, but more of a selfish one. I feel awkward when I don't remember a name, so I need to be remember names so I don't feel awkward. Is that it? Or do I really care about the person enough to learn what they are called? Why is easier to remember "important" people's names? I would make the argument that, most of the time, we choose not to remember a name because it is not important enough for us to remember. We may never see that person again, we aren't really interested in getting to know that person, or maybe we just don't care what that person's name is.
This week a good friend of mine forgot some simple thing. I made fun of him and told him that he should learn how to remember things better. I told him he purposely forgot that simple thing and that he needed to pay better attention to his friends, because it is a choice not to remember. A couple of days later a friend of mine asked me to remember her when I did fun things because it is hard to see all of her friends having fun and she isn't invited. How did I forget them? How could I forget essential people?Tonight I was reminded by a friend that I had forgotten her. Not just once, but multiple times. I felt my words come back to sting me. Had I purposely forgotten? Had I chosen not to remember? Not only did I forget this person in the instances, but I also "forgot" that it had even happened. I even had some lame excuses for forgetting. Did I really forget if these rationalizations were a fresh offering for my defense? Being reminded that you forgot someone for the second time is awkward, and that's were the selfish in all of this comes out in me again. Am I sad because I felt awkward, or am I sad because I have genuinely forgotten a friend. Can I be called a friend?
Who do I forget?
I think during this first month of school I have forgotten my family. I don't really update them, I don't call, do I even care. I know I do, but am I choosing not to remember to do these things? How busy can life be really? I have friends in Arizona that almost cease to exist when I am in Utah. Is "out of sight, out of mind" really a reason to forget someone? How could I forget? How could I forget a person, a human being, a friend? Why?
In Alma 46:8 it says, "Thus we see how quick the children of men do forget the Lord their God, yea, how quick to do iniquity, and to be led away by the evil one." How do I forget God. Why does it happen?
I think you remember the things that are the desire of your heart. For example, right now I could tell you who the Diamondbacks are playing, I could tell you many birthdays, I could recite scripture, I could give you a rundown of my schedule and what tests and homework I have due this week. I don't know If I could tell you what promises I have made today. What have I told my friends I would remember to do for them. What types of verbal contracts have I been flippant about, and why was I so adamant about them even when I know I won't even remember them?
When is forgetting good?
I would hate it if I remembered every time I had messed up. That would be horrible. Those are good things to forget. But should I forget the pain I had because of messing up in order to prevent me form repeating the mistake? Maybe. There are somethings I wish I could forget. Some things that I would love to be erased from my memory. That would be a good thing to forget. When my family and friends slip up, that is a good thing to forget. Sometimes forgetting is good. We should forget the things in our lives that are bad, hold onto the good, and try to remember the best. I hope my friends will be generous enough to me to give me the gift of, well...forgetting.
